Samia Naser (a pseudonym) narrates her suffering to "Khuyut", noting that her problem began when her father decided to marry her to her cousin - according to an old agreement between the two families - despite her strong refusal to return to the countryside, many years after she moved with her family to the city. She said that: “I was very scared of living in the countryside again, for fear of being subject to domestic violence, injustice and oppression that I know very well in rural areas.”
Yemeni society is one of the societies that is still dominated by male-controlled thought, as women in many areas - especially rural ones - are considered like a machine for pregnancy, childbirth and responsible of various household affairs especially in rural areas. Due to traditions, females are deprived from their rights, such as their right to education and work, or even to express themselves without fear.
Samia adds, "I got married to my cousin, and my suffering began from early days, as my daily habits conflicted with their habits, so that I began to receive insults from my husband and my father in law, because of their constant insistence that I need to be educated again like a child! I got pregnant during the first months of my marriage, but that did not help me get comfort and pampering as I had hoped. On the contrary, they have increased their rebuke to me and accusing me of being too spoiled.”
In many rural areas, male authority is exercised in its worst form over women, where women have no opinion and no rights, starting with the father and brother, and ending with the husband. The recent reports of the Yemen Women Union in Abyan governorate indicated an increase in violations and gender-based violence cases; as the number of abused women in Abyan has reached 6,962 cases 3,139 of them have been subjected to severe violence, according to the statistics from 2017 to September 2022.
Having daughters and not being able to have sons is one of the main reasons leading to the violence that many women still suffer from in the countryside of Abyan, where the man practices the worst forms of psychological and physical violence against his wife if she gives birth to females rather than males, as if by giving birth to females she has detracted his manhood.
As a result, Samia has reached the point of hating having daughters, due to the violence that was practiced on her. Especially after she gave birth to a third daughter alongside her two older daughters, and she was afraid that the suffering would extend to her daughters, especially since the outcome of her birth in a few years, three girls, had become rejected and undesirable.
Many men - rural people in particular - are still rejoicing in the large number of male children, while their hearts got sick on the birth of females, so that they never feel satisfied at all. Consequently, the girl will shortly begin to share with her mother the journey of blaming, reprimanding and beating - often - for everything and anything
Samia confirmed that she was fully aware of the miserable situation of women in the countryside, the nature of their life and the male violence that is practiced on them. And that she was certain that her education - which she would not have learned had it not been for her family moving to live in the city - would not intercede for her, and would be a curse upon her.
Chapters of tragedy
Many women are exposed to different forms of gender-based violence, in different social and cultural environments, despite the increasing awareness and achievement of Arab women of their rights that make them equal and partner with men, not subordinate or dependent on them.
Samia points out that the real suffering and violence she experienced after she gave birth to her first child, which had a different impact on her life, as she began to feel through the verbal violence that was practiced on her even by the women of the family of her husband on the ground that she gave birth to a female child and that she is only good for work and misery.
"I was trying to defend myself at times, and to endure at other times to preserve my marriage, out of a desire not to deprive my daughter of living with her parents. Besides, whenever I complained to my father about the ill-treatment of my husband and his family, he neither supported me or brought justice to me. Instead, he used to ask me to be patient. But it got worse after I got pregnant and I gave birth to a female babe again. In addition to the psychological violence that I was going through, I was also subject to physical abuse by my husband, after I gave birth to my second female child,”. The miserable wife, whose suffering has become beyond her ability to bear it, said with bitterness.
Samia, like other women, not only in Abyan, but also in all parts of Yemen, continued to suffer under the weight of injustice for years, until she became considered as work machine, with no benefit other than doing housework - as they said - as she became entrusted with the majority of tasks inside and outside the house; fetching water, firewood, and other doing all arduous tasks.
As a result, Samia has reached the point of hating having daughters, due to the violence that was practiced on her. Especially after she gave birth to a third daughter alongside her two older daughters, and she was afraid that the suffering would extend to her daughters, especially since the outcome of her birth in a few years, three girls, had become rejected and undesirable.
She continues her speech by saying: "Every day, I saw my daughters growing up in front of me eyes, and my fear for them grew too, after the violence that we all have been suffering without any valid reason. I used to see in my husband's eyes the hatred for my daughters, and even in his conversation with them, and I could see the fear and the hate in their eyes, towards their father and everyone around them, whenever I was blamed, insulted and beaten, especially after my husband married another woman to have a male child.
The crisis of social traditions
This woman's fear for her daughters created another spirit in her, rebellious against everything, refusing to stay with a husband who was unaware of the blessing of daughters. She decided to leave everything behind and take the decision of demanding a divorce which was not easy, until one of her brothers helped her after he saw the signs of beating and physical assault fills her body. Thus, after the divorce, she started anew tough journey of raising three girls whose father even gave up on providing their living expenses.
She was sure that she would begin a new journey of struggle and patience, but to suffer alone without a man, according to her words, is better than her suffering as a married woman.
In this context, Ms. Wedad Al-Badawi, a journalist and human rights activist, confirmed to "Khuyut" that women are exposed to various forms of violence, and many try to justify the violence that it sometimes occurs in the conservative Yemeni society, on the basis of adherence to Islamic teachings, customs and traditions. However, these justifications have become baseless, as everyone realizes that Islam honors women and value their social status.
Al-Badawi pointed out that the real problem that women are facing is purely masculine customs and traditions that look down on women. Yemeni society degrades women, tries to diminish their value, and eliminates their role in society, despite the fact that many women have attained great qualifications and high positions.
Psychological violence
In addition, Hind Muhammad (a pseudonym) shares her story with "Khuyut", which differs from "Samia's story" as Hind was able to give birth to a son alongside four daughters, but the domestic violence practiced against them was the common denominator between them. As it did not intercede for Hind to give birth to the male child that her husband kept waiting for, abusing her for many years for her inability to have a son who would bear his name - as he said - ignoring the words of the doctor who confirmed to her, during a visit, it is the responsibility of the husband's chromosomes which determine the sex of the newborn.
Many women - especially rural ones - have been subjected to psychological and physical violence as a result of their lack of male children, as the rural community attributes the blame to women, and practices all forms and types of violence against them.
Hind says in her interview with "Khuyut": "After the four daughters, I was blessed to have a son, who I thought would relieve me of the violence that I was facing from my husband and society alike, but my view was wrong; I was demanded to give birth to another son besides his brother in order to prove to everyone that I am capable to give birth to males who will be a support for their sisters - according to their claim. After I got pregnant again, I discovered that the fetus was a female, which made me experience extra violence and oppression more severely than before."
She added, “After my husband found out that I was pregnant with a girl, he became crueler, and always scolding me and beating me brutally, as if I was responsible for that. He also gave up his responsibilities towards his home and children, and now he provides us with only a few of the basics of the house, justifying that we do not deserve".
This woman regrets the situation she has reached as a result of the psychological and physical violence she was subjected to, and that she was forced to work from home in sewing and embroidery in order to provide for the needs of her children. This extra work endangered her pregnancy and she lost her fetus. As a result, her health deteriorated so much that she was no longer able to conceive. This made her husband marry another woman and abandon her and her children, and no one treated her fairly.
Mrs. Adila Khider, Secretary-General of the Yemen Women Union office in Abyan, told Khuyut that many women - especially rural women - have been subjected to psychological and physical assault as a result of not having male children, as the rural community attributes the blame to women, and practices all forms and types of violence against them.
Khider also confirmed that there are many divorce cases as a result of this, and many women were left to face life and its cruelty alone, after divorce or abandonment by their husbands.
Al-Khider pointed out that the traditional custom of marrying a "divorced" woman who has already had many male children is still present in many rural areas because men believe that they are capable of giving birth to males, as the pride of having males is still overwhelming in rural societies until now.
