Despite the vibrant culture of marriage in Taiz Governorate, characterized by lively weddings and festive celebrations year-round, the prevalence of spinsterhood persists among both men and women. This phenomenon is exacerbated by economic challenges, such as widespread poverty and high unemployment rates, compounded by the prolonged conflict that has led to a general downturn in the private sector. Despite the enduring traditions of joy and love symbolized by events like Mona Ali's iconic wedding procession, (Hour of the Merciful), the societal landscape in Taiz reflects a complex interplay of cultural norms, economic hardships, and the lasting impacts of conflict on the unmarried individuals in the community.
Obedience as a Tool of Pressure
In addition to the previously mentioned reasons, there are further underlying factors contributing to the rising spinsterhood rate among young women, particularly in Taiz. Apart from the common causes mentioned earlier, these additional factors center around the infringement upon girls' rights to choose and shape their own destinies under the guise of obedience. This often involves prioritizing the authority of parents over the autonomy and rights of daughters when it comes to establishing their own families.
Amani Abdullah, aged 43, candidly tells "Khuyut": "I derive immense satisfaction from caring for my elderly parents. From laundering their clothes to preparing their meals and providing them with dedicated care, I feel a deep sense of fulfillment in fulfilling my duties towards my loved ones and pleasing my Creator. However, as I witness the effects of aging and fragility on my parents, a profound fear lingers within me - the fear of outliving them and facing solitude in my old age without anyone to provide for me. I dread the thought of becoming a burden on relatives and neighbors."
Amani, a single woman residing in the rural outskirts of Taiz, recounts her personal journey, revealing: "Being the eldest child in my family, I shouldered various responsibilities from a young age - managing household chores, engaging in agricultural work, tending to livestock, and fetching water for our daily needs. I vividly remember how my father would dismiss every suitor who approached me for marriage, redirecting them towards my younger sisters instead, so I remained bound to the duties of home and family, envisioned as the stronghold of our household, as he often emphasized."
And Amani adds: "Some fathers, particularly landowners, property holders, and livestock breeders in the rural areas of Yemen in general, resort to depriving their daughters of marriage and denying them their legitimate rights, both religiously and legally, as well as their physiological desires, to keep them in their service. This is due to the multitude of tasks and obligations within and outside the household."
She continues: "My three sisters got married and became mothers, each starting her own family. However, I remained responsible for managing the affairs of the family home. Despite three young men proposing to me when I was in my twenties, and another one when I was in my early thirties, they were all rejected - either directly through my father or by pressuring me to decline under the pretext of who would take care of my parents if I were to marry."
Amani is but one example of the hundreds of young women who have missed the opportunity of marriage due to their fathers' wishes, subsequently forced to remain in the family home to work the land and serve their families. This unfortunate reality echoes the experiences of numerous women who have had their aspirations for marriage and personal autonomy stifled by paternal control, leaving them ensnared in a cycle of familial obligations and unfulfilled potential.
Human rights activist Wa'am Al-Maktari, in a conversation with "Khuyut" about the reasons behind some fathers preventing their daughters from getting married, states: "The fear of losing a nearly free labor force and the dedication that the landowner will not find in any outsider worker, along with the rejection of daughters-in-law serving the husband's family, especially the elderly, drives the father, and sometimes the male siblings, to deprive the weaker party (the girl) of her legitimate right to marriage and forming her own family in order to secure service for the parents."
Embedded beliefs, passed down through generations, play a significant role in shaping the attitudes of parents who prevent their daughters from marrying. These beliefs often stem from cultural norms and traditions that prioritize familial obligations over individual autonomy. Additionally, the lack of awareness among parents about the negative consequences of denying their daughters the chance to marry further exacerbates the problem.
The gap between theory and practice
Yemen is indeed among the nations that have ratified the International Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women. Despite this commitment, there exists a notable disparity between theory and practice, primarily due to a lack of widespread social awareness, particularly in rural regions. In these areas, violations of girls' rights persist in various forms, highlighting the ongoing challenge of translating international agreements into concrete actions on the ground.
Accordingly, women are entitled to equal rights as men in the realm of marriage contracts and the freedom to select a partner. It is fundamental that a woman's consent is wholeheartedly and voluntarily given in the marriage agreement, emphasizing her agency and autonomy in such a significant decision. Moreover, the provision of identical rights and obligations for women and men during marriage and in divorce proceedings, in accordance with Article 16 of the convention, is essential for ensuring gender equality and fairness within marital relationships.
Moreover, civil society organizations are one of the most important havens when it comes to women's issues and the violence practiced against them, depending on their social nature. However, there is an incomprehensible matter when it comes to forced spinsterhood.
Amal Mohammed, the leader of the Defenders of Rights and Freedoms Foundation, voices her concern that civil society organizations seem to be neglecting or overlooking work on this particular issue. She points out, "I haven't come across any organizations actively addressing this problem, but they seem to be highly focused on the issue of underage marriages."
In society, unmarried women who have reached the age of marriage are often viewed with either sympathetic pity, which can leave women feeling vulnerable and lacking in self-assurance, or with ridicule, assuming that there must be some flaw in them that didn't attract a potential life partner. This societal perception can lead to these women being at risk of social isolation.
A Little Peace of Mind
Saud Ali, a woman in her forties, chooses to avoid attending wedding celebrations to escape the harsh questions she often faces, such as: "Why aren't you married? When will we celebrate your marriage? What's wrong with you? How long will you remain single?" According to Saud, these questions can only be answered with one response that she believes is incorrect, which is fate.
These questions are frequently accompanied by a blend of compassion, mockery, and occasionally unwarranted presumptions. Consequently, Saud and individuals akin to her opt to retreat into solitude whenever feasible, yearning for a modicum of tranquility and peace of mind.
"Social judgments are passed on women who have surpassed the socially accepted age for marriage and are deemed to have entered a state known as 'spinsterhood'," explains the psychological specialist, Karima Samadi. She further adds, "Society looks at unmarried women who have reached the age of marriage with either sympathetic pity, which can make women feel weak and lacking in self-confidence, or with ridicule, assuming there must be some flaw in them that didn't attract a potential life partner. This perception can leave them vulnerable to social withdrawal."
In a related context, Mahmoud Al-Bukari, a sociology professor at Taiz University, shared with "Khuyut" magazine: "In a society where a culture of shame prevails, girls are forbidden from expressing their desire for marriage, let alone being deprived of the right to accept or reject a life partner. These matters are considered the sole responsibility and authority of the parents, who dictate the course of her life."
Further, Al-Bukari elaborated: "Girls are stigmatized and demeaned if they decide or attempt to assert their rights, as they are treated as if they have violated social norms and customs. They may find themselves marginalized and condemned, pushing the girl to comply and spend her life, or much of it - if she is fortunate enough to have a late marriage opportunity - in servitude to the family's selfishness and oppressive traditions."
The young woman may undergo increased aggression, exaggerated emotional responses, an inability to handle stress, and, most notably, she may sink into a state of depression, which could eventually progress to thoughts of suicide or contemplating fleeing if a favorable opportunity presents itself.
The Catastrophic Consequences of Suppression
The domestic violence against girls who have not received a sufficient level of education can be more severe and demanding when the girl has had a good education. "In some families, this can lead to a rejection of their daughters' marriages, especially if they are employed and earning a salary, fearing that their families will be deprived of benefiting from their earnings. This can be described as economic violence in addition to psychological violence," Al-Bukari emphasized in conclusion.
Yemeni society does not tolerate the idea of a girl openly demanding her right to marriage. However, this suppression has devastating psychological repercussions on the girl: "The suppression of a girl's desire for marriage can lead to a buildup of negative emotions within the girl towards her parents - specifically, as they are seen as the reason for depriving her of her rights. This also results in a lack of self-esteem, as she feels like a mere tool obligated to carry out tasks without any shortcomings," Explained Al Samadi. According to her, the sense of oppression experienced by the girl can lead to undesirable outcomes: "The girl may experience heightened aggression, excessive emotional reactions, an inability to cope with pressure, and, most significantly, she may sink into a state of depression, which could eventually progress to thoughts of suicide or contemplating fleeing if a favorable opportunity presents itself."
The Advocacy Front for Family Rights
Al-Samadi emphasizes the necessity of conducting in-depth research studies to analyze this phenomenon from various angles in order to derive conclusions and recommendations that can contribute to developing solutions to mitigate its persistence. Additionally, she suggests designing awareness campaigns and advocacy initiatives to uphold the rights of girls in decision-making processes and to combat any form of discriminatory rhetoric against women.
Samadi further proposes: "Incorporating girls into psychological counseling programs that educate them on how to navigate situations of this nature and empower them to confidently express their desire for marriage without hesitation. Furthermore, establishing a family advocacy front to confront oppression in cases where the father or legal guardian refuses to consent to her marriage. This can be achieved by identifying compassionate and influential individuals among relatives who can effectively engage with the guardian and persuade them to reconsider."
In conclusion, Al-Samadi underscores the crucial importance of turning to legal options as a strategic solution to not only defend the girl's rights but also to provide her with extensive protection. This course of action becomes imperative when endeavors within the family and extended family spheres do not yield the desired outcomes. Through legal intervention, the girl can access a stable and trustworthy avenue to assert her rights and secure the essential protections against any injustices or oppressions she may encounter.
Marriage is deemed a lawful and rightful entitlement for every eligible girl, as per both religious and legal standards, without any legitimate grounds to deprive her of this right, provided that the necessary Sharia conditions are met by her prospective groom.
Mohammed Mahyoub, the Secretary of the Khawakhah Court, elucidates: "The act of a guardian refusing to consent to the marriage of a female under his guardianship, whether she be a daughter, sister, mother, or any female relative lacking a guardian, is legally termed as 'denial by the legitimate guardian.'"
In terms of avenues for recourse available to women facing such circumstances, Mahyoub expounds: "The law affirms the right of the intended marriage partner to challenge her guardian through a claim known as a 'denial claim' before the competent judge. Should the guardian adhere and present himself before the court, elucidating the cause of his denial in a compelling manner — for instance, if the suitor practices a religion other than Islam, has a criminal record, struggles with substance abuse, or belongs to a socially marginalized group, among other reasons — and the court finds his argument convincing, the denial claim is dismissed, with the guardian committing not to cause harm to the applicant."
Furthermore, he elaborates: "If the guardian fails to provide a persuasive rationale, the court mandates the execution of the marriage contract or the transfer of guardianship to another suitable guardian. This transfer may involve shifting guardianship from the eldest brother to the subsequent sibling, from the father to the grandfather, or from the father to the son. In cases where such transfers are unfeasible due to specific circumstances, such as the absence of multiple guardians or refusal from the designated guardian to finalize the contract, the judge decrees the transfer of guardianship to the applicant and sanctions her marriage to the chosen individual, complete with an agreed dowry, issuing a corresponding verdict."
It is noteworthy that Yemen ranks 14th among Arab nations in terms of delaying the age of marriage, with a rate of around 30%, as per a study conducted by the Gulf Center for Research and Studies. According to the latest report released by the Yemeni Statistical Agency in 2014, it was revealed that the number of unmarried women who have reached the marriage age exceeds two million, with over half a million of them being above the age of thirty. This highlights the influence of certain societal customs and traditions that enforce deprivation of girls' rights and perpetuate discrimination against them.
